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Id seen a dick and had my boobs groped and figured that would get me until my mid-twenties, where I would find the Special Someone and wed go gallivanting off into the sunset. (Metaphorically speaking. I hate going anywhere into the sunset, youll damage your eyes that way.) So you can imagine my innocence when I registered my account and started striking up conversations with lonely males. Ill admit, I wasnt totally unaware what I was doing the good girl act only goes so deep but part of me was genuinely curious about that whole taboo aspect of life. In a few short weeks, thanks to Google and my now-beloved forums, I learned a lot. A lot. Men, as a general rule, love to talk about sex. And cocks. And the girls theyve banged. Somehow, this becomes even more concentrated over the internet, when they can make up whatever the hell they want. So I saw a lot of internet fights over who did who and while seeing what. And it exposed me to a bewildering little facet of the universe called. ’ ‘Then wait.’ Does anyone ever realize how galling it is to be told to be patient? It’s always the only thing you can think about and they tell you to just sit back and wait until it happens. I’ll bet when somebody tells them to be patient they want to plunge a dagger in her face. I called the Goldberg home. Sandy answered. ‘Sandy, do you know where Jeff is?’ ‘You really stepped in it.’ ‘I know. I did a TSTL.’ ‘What the hell is that?’ ‘Don’t you read romance novels?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘It stands for Too Stupid To Live. It’s when the heroine, it’s never the guy, does something so stupid you want to yell at the book and say no human would ever do that. And it makes you think that if he can take her back after that he wasn’t worth it after all.’ ‘I like that: Too Stupid To Live.’ ‘I’m glad you’re entertained. I don’t even know if I’m still getting married. I’ve got to talk to Jeff.’ ‘He’ll call you when he’s ready. Have some faith in him.’ ‘That’s the problem. We’re supposed to be getting.
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